Watch out! The Metaverse is coming! Was 2021 the beginning of a “brave new world?”
The Metaverse has been announced. Mark “The Zuck” Zuckerberg has proclaimed a brave new world where no one ever goes anywhere, anymore, anytime.
Instead, everyone will sit comfortably at home with their virtual reality glasses living in a fantasy world of their own creation. Well. Not quite. The Zuck and his friends are creating it, but you’re going to like it. YOU. WILL. LIKE. IT! Because Zuck.
Mark Zuckerberg is the creator and CEO of Facebook. Or wait. After years of branding and hundreds of millions of subscribers, the Zuck has decided to change the name to Meta, breaking every known rule about branding. But he’s okay with that. Because Metaverse. Oh… And because Zuck.
Privacy??
This new platform is going to be the most private system ever! Facebook – or now, Meta, is getting rid of their face recognition system, deleting more than a billion facial identities from their database. This must be true, because the Zuck says so.
But if you believe that, I have a nice cozy space-port on Mars to sell you. Cheap! I’ll even throw in a virtual rocket for you to get there…
The Latest Fashion
In this new “metaverse,” everyone wears glasses. You will no longer see anyone in the real world with bare faces. Everyone will be wearing glasses (you can buy them from the Zuck) and a mask (get a year’s supply free with every two pairs of glasses).
But you won’t notice this, because you won’t be really going anywhere. You’ll be sitting in your comfortably in your chair at home while you “teleport” everywhere thanks to the Zuck’s virtual and/or augmented reality (VR & AR).
Save money…
This is going to save you a ton of money on airfare and hotel expenses because you won’t really be going anywhere. But don’t worry. It will seem like you are. You can even beam to Vegas with a boatload of virtual cash and win every virtual time at every virtual table you virtually sit at!
Sometimes when you feel the need for exercise you will rise from your chair to play a rousing game of virtual tennis. If anyone peeks through your window, they might see you wildly swatting at the air. They might understandably think y
our house is full of hornets. But don’t worry. They won’t see you. They’ll be in their own home swatting at the air as they try to beat you five in a row.
Everybody wins?
Even better, the Zuck will be providing beautiful participation trophies for both of you, so neither of you has to go through the pain of either a bruised or inflated ego.
Of course, you’ll need your glasses to even see the trophy, but no worry – they are so light you won’t even notice them!
A religious experience
If you’re a spiritual person (who isn’t?), there’s even something for you in the metaverse! The Zuck has created a virtual image of a virtual god in a virtual temple for you to worship (doesn’t it bear an uncanny resemblance to the Zuck?).
Best of all, you don’t have to leave the comfort of your own home to do your worship time! With your glasses and the magic of the metaverse, you can simply stand up, think about where you want to go, and voila! You’re there!
You can even add the sounds of birds and maybe a babbling brook! Yes! That is allowed in the metatemple in this brave new world’s metaverse!
Seriously?
If this all sounds a little over the top to you, guess what: Mark Zuckerberg et al are serious! This is the kind of world they’re planning, a world where the carbon footprint goes down to zero or lower, because nobody goes anywhere, ever. As long as they have the glasses.
You might love the idea. You might hate the idea. But make no mistake – the metaverse is going to be the greatest leap in technology and jobs in the history of mankind.
What do you think? Is it a good idea? Or shades of Bladerunner?
Tell us what you think in the comments below. Be sure to leave your link!